To BDSM or not to B

My little devils,

Many of you are part of the BDSM community. It is time that we lift the veil on common misconceptions before going any deeper (yes) on the subject.

First of all, when most people hear that term they immediately go to a hardcore and caricatural representation of the discipline.
This is the moment I ask them if they ever spanked their partners in bed or tied each other up, most of the time they immediately realise that they should add a little nuance to their view on the subject.

1. BDSM is all about pain.

Sure, pain can represent a big part of the BDSM play... or not. 
Really the relation between a dominant (dom) and his submissive (sub) is much more psychologial than that.

It's about being able to let go, you have to trust your partner completely in order for this to work. It doesn't mean that you have to be in love or in an "official relationship" but it is a sort of commitment, I'll explain later.

So, you probably heard that one before (Oh Karen..if only you knew).
To be honest the BDSM community is probably one of the most open-minded and respectful communities you'll ever be able to learn from. 

Being able to give up or take control can act as a real catharsis. You don't need to let your Ego overcome your everyday life, you find a new way to express your needs and/or frustrations.

I talk a lot about letting go in self development. Once again being able to let go in life is can be as tricky as letting go in the bedroom. 
That is another reason why It can be liberating to latex-suit up and incarnate your sexuality without having to think too much, you either take control or let go, but in both cases you let a part of you speak that is usually censored (except if you already live in a kinky manor i guess).

Oh that's a difficult concept to understand for somebody who never experienced that type of discipline before.

Most of the time a (healthy) BDSM relationship will start with a type of "contract" if I can call it that. You can see the first contact as a kind of first job interview ( but much more fun right?). You have to see if your vibe and kinks are compatible.
This is where you establish your "ground rules", what you like/dislike, what you want to explore and your limits. Some people pick a specific and consistent safe-word, others don't. Just as in life there is no "one-size-fits-all" type of situation (contrary to what the dildo industry wants us to believe).

So in reality you are pushing the limits of your partner while being extremely respectful. This is something I wish I could see in every type of relation.

No.
BDSM is based on a psychological role play. Both partners insure each other's safety. Sometimes it won't even involve sex (or at least the vanilla definition of sex).
Reducing BDSM to pain would be like reducing sex to penetration (hard to swallow p...illls I know).

Sexual masochism/sadism on the other hand does involve a type of physical harm. Don't get me wrong I am not saying it is a bad thing. We're just defining a little more these concepts that can seem extremely confusing to somebody who never experienced them.

6. I'll never get tied up

Yeah... They all say that..

I could keep on writing for hours but for a first post on the subject we covered a few topics.

Don't hesitate to comments and let me know your point of view or if you have any questions. You can use a nickname this is a safe place so don't feel like you're ever going to be judged.

Stay safe and well... enjoy ;)

Love 

Red

Photoshoot by Samuel Python
Rope work by Maître Aden