To BDSM or not to B
My little devils,
Many of you are part of the BDSM community. It is time that we lift the veil on common misconceptions before going any deeper (yes) on the subject.
First of all, when most people hear that term they immediately go to a hardcore and caricatural representation of the discipline.
This is the moment I ask them if they ever spanked their partners in bed or tied each other up, most of the time they immediately realise that they should add a little nuance to their view on the subject.
1. BDSM is all about pain.
Sure, pain can represent a big part of the BDSM play... or not.
Really the relation between a dominant (dom) and his submissive (sub) is much more psychologial than that.
It's about being able to let go, you have to trust your partner completely in order for this to work. It doesn't mean that you have to be in love or in an "official relationship" but it is a sort of commitment, I'll explain later.
2. People who practice BDSM are deviants and they should seek help
So, you probably heard that one before (Oh Karen..if only you knew).
To be honest the BDSM community is probably one of the most open-minded and respectful communities you'll ever be able to learn from.
Being able to give up or take control can act as a real catharsis. You don't need to let your Ego overcome your everyday life, you find a new way to express your needs and/or frustrations.
I talk a lot about letting go in self development. Once again being able to let go in life is can be as tricky as letting go in the bedroom.
That is another reason why It can be liberating to latex-suit up and incarnate your sexuality without having to think too much, you either take control or let go, but in both cases you let a part of you speak that is usually censored (except if you already live in a kinky manor i guess).
Oh that's a difficult concept to understand for somebody who never experienced that type of discipline before.
Most of the time a (healthy) BDSM relationship will start with a type of "contract" if I can call it that. You can see the first contact as a kind of first job interview ( but much more fun right?). You have to see if your vibe and kinks are compatible.
This is where you establish your "ground rules", what you like/dislike, what you want to explore and your limits. Some people pick a specific and consistent safe-word, others don't. Just as in life there is no "one-size-fits-all" type of situation (contrary to what the dildo industry wants us to believe).
So in reality you are pushing the limits of your partner while being extremely respectful. This is something I wish I could see in every type of relation.
5. BDSM and sexual masochism/sadism is the same thing.
No.
BDSM is based on a psychological role play. Both partners insure each other's safety. Sometimes it won't even involve sex (or at least the vanilla definition of sex).
Reducing BDSM to pain would be like reducing sex to penetration (hard to swallow p...illls I know).
Sexual masochism/sadism on the other hand does involve a type of physical harm. Don't get me wrong I am not saying it is a bad thing. We're just defining a little more these concepts that can seem extremely confusing to somebody who never experienced them.
6. I'll never get tied up
Yeah... They all say that..
I could keep on writing for hours but for a first post on the subject we covered a few topics.
Don't hesitate to comments and let me know your point of view or if you have any questions. You can use a nickname this is a safe place so don't feel like you're ever going to be judged.
Stay safe and well... enjoy ;)
Love
Red
Photoshoot by Samuel Python
Rope work by Maître Aden
Interesting! I always viewed BDSM as something negative without truly knowing what it was. So I started searching and stumbled on this article 😄, I’ll should say all of this information enlighten things up for me. Even though I still don’t know much about BDSM I am more comfortable speaking about it thank you.
Vaste « débat », quelle est la part animal de l’humain? quel rapport entretenir avec la domination? En tout cas il peut y avoir des très belles choses!
Josh:
I do understand, I had the occasion to discuss with so many people who have so many different “kinks” and I always try to understand even if that particular kink isn’t my personal taste.
I’ve found that the BDSM community is one of the most open-minded and I’ll go into more details in further posts. This was a little “introduction to BDSM” but there are so many subjects to explore only in that area that writing everything in one post is impossible ahah.
Dubz: Thank you so much I’m glad you enjoyed it! Don’t hesitate if you have questions.
ArabianRider: Absolutely! Most people see it as a “hardcore discipline” if I can describe it like that, when in fact respect is at the center of BDSM. I wish everybody could be as communicative and open about their desires in “regular” relationships.
Thank you for your insight :)
This was a cool piece to describe it. Many levels of BDSM, I mean if I say pass me the battery clamps and hook me up, if they’re not comfortable you have to respect it. Even away from BDSM in regular sex people don’t respect each other it’s like “they should know how I like it and if not I’m never speaking to them again”, this is what is destroying the passion. At least with BDSM You are taught to be vocal about things so you both know how to please.
This was insightful to read. I have never been into BDSM, but I like to implore and look into different things. Very insightful.